


Everything I Have Ever Wanted

by AshMae



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-08 04:39:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5483777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshMae/pseuds/AshMae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically, this is me just filling in the gaps in the Inquisitor/Cullen relationship. I am going to follow canon for the majority of this, but I'm adding scenes and filling in blanks that I felt need to be filled. You will probably figure out by the end of this that I have a massive Cullen!kink. No shame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rude Awakenings

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! So this is my first fic on AO3, and I am a tad scared even though, realistically, no one is going to read this but me... Anywho, if you are reading this, thank you, and also leave kudos and feedback pls. Srsly. :)

The world swam before Max's eyes as she struggled to stand. Her hands could find no purchase on the oddly smooth surface she laid on, and her face hit the ground a few times before her arms could once again hold her. A sharp, chittering sound behind her suddenly snapped the world into focus again, and no sooner had she regained her balance and she was running, away from the multitude of dark, threatening masses behind her. The terrain began to incline and she was no longer running, but climbing. Many times her hand grasped what she thought was solid ground, only to pass through it as if it were nothing, leaving her scrabbling for a few shaky heartbeats. She resumed her climb, the initial burst of adrenaline subsiding and her arms beginning to ache with effort. She clambered over a large sharp rock, and a wavering figure appeared, backlit as if the heavens shone out of its very pores. The figure stretched out a hand, urgently beckoning her closer, and the minute their hands touched, the world exploded in a flurry of green and white light. Max might have screamed, she couldn't remember. All she cared about was that it was over.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rough gravel scratches her face. Compared to how the rest of her body feels though, the gravel almost feels like a luxurious cushion. Something sharp pokes her side, and there is a shuffle and grunt, as if whoever was responsible jumped back quickly, expecting her to leap up and attack. "She dead?" A gruff voice asks. There are a few non-committal noises and another sharp poke in the side.

"Look, she moved!" Another voice cried, this one slightly higher in pitch, as if the owner were barely holding on to what little of their courage remained. There were more scuffling noises and a pair of hands roughly grasped each of her wrists, unceremoniously dragging her across the rocky ground.

"Seeker Pentaghast said that she wanted her chained and taken to the dungeons if she still lived. She's breathing, so I guess that counts." The original voice stated bluntly, followed by the rough sound of a leather gloved hand scraping across stubble. "Second thought, let's chain her before we take her, I don't want her surprising us with that freaky magic thing she has there." There was the sound of salutes all around, and then iron shackles were placed around Max's wrists. The movement jostled her head, provoking the already intense pain shattering the inside of her skull, and she heard herself groan once before she passed out once again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Max awoke to an intense, flickering green light and she groaned inwardly. What else was in store for her now? She was so tired, she would give anything for a peaceful sleep in a halfway decent bed. She kept her eyes closed, hoping that her captors would believe her still unconscious, and therefore not bother her for a while longer. If only she could shake the flashing images that crashed around the inside of her skull like shards of glass, stabbing her behind the eyes and leaving her light headed and nauseous. She was jerked out of her reverie by the sound of the wooden door opening, and she realised that playing unconscious would not be an option. Two women entered, one garbed in severe, heavy armour, black hair cropped short apart from the thin braid wound around her head like a crown. The other woman kept to the shadows, however Max caught a glimpse of auburn hair under the heavy purple hood that she wore, lips drawn into a thin line and eyes sparkling with a suppressed fury. The heavily armoured woman circled Max slowly, footsteps heavy and intimidating in the dim, dank light of the dungeon. Max took a deep, unsteady breath in through her nose, mentally bracing herself for what was to come next. The smaller, hooded woman drew into the light, allowing Max to see the concern on her face as the armoured woman leaned down, pent up rage seeming to seep out of her and into Max. "Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed, everyone who attended is dead..." At this, Max flinched internally.  _Edin, no…_  "...except for you." The dark haired woman finished, glaring at Max expectantly. Max took a few seconds to answer, her tired mind struggling to process both her grief and the perilous situation she found herself in.

"You think  _I'm_  responsible?" Max asked, incredulity filtering through the foggy layers of her mind. The woman grabbed Max's left hand in a rough grasp, holding it up between them as a sickly green light flared from the palm.

"Explain this." She ground out, jaw muscles chewing on her rage. Max sat in stunned silence for a few seconds.

"I.... can't." She almost whispered, shock and fear threatening to crush her from within.

The woman stared at her, incredulous, for a few seconds, as if her inability to satisfactorily explain these events were a deeply personal insult. "What do you mean, you can't?" Her face seemed to bunch up as her rage reached perilous heights, and internally, Max began to pray for an easy way out.

"I don't know what that is, or how it got there!" Even to her own ears, this sounded weak and Max knew she was going to have to be very careful. She had done nothing wrong, but being blamed for things that were outside of her control was nothing new.

Max's response only served to infuriate the woman, who lurched at Max as if she meant to tear her apart with her bare hands. The hooded woman leapt out of the shadows and placed a calming hand on the other woman's shoulder. "We need her, Cassandra." They both looked back at Max, who knelt with her head bowed, grief threatening to crush her.

"I can't believe it... All those people, dead." A tear threatened to fall down her cheek, however with a few blinks it was gone. Max refused to show weakness in front of these people. She knelt as the two women questioned her about the events that lead her here, and she answered honestly. Well, as honestly as she could, considering that most of the events were nothing more than a green-tinged blur.  
"Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift." Cassandra murmured. Max raised her eyes just in time to catch the red-haired woman slip out of the door and into the corridor beyond.  _The rift? What the..._  Cassandra knelt and removed the wooden bar anchoring Max's shackled hands to the stone ground.

"What did happen?" Max asked. Cassandra sighed and shook her head as she took a firm grasp of the chain between Max's wrists.

"It will be easier to show you." She replied, as she led Max out into the corridor.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The creak that assaulted Max's ears as the massive wooden doors were opened was nothing in comparison to the light that shattered through her eyes. The blinding reflection of the snow temporarily blinded her, before the sickly green glow that she was becoming used to registered in her mind as coming from the sky. Max raised her head and was astonished by what she saw. "It's a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour." Max stared into the green swirling vortex above the mountains, barely registering Cassandra's explanation of the rifts. ".... the breach may grow until it swallows the world." As if to reinforce the urgency of the situation, the rift sparked, green lightning shooting down as though it would strike the earth. The same green light shot out of Max's hand driving her to her knees with a cry of pain. "Each time the breach expands, your mark spreads. And it is killing you."  _Wow, Cassandra, don't sugar coat it._ Max thought bitterly. "It may be the key to stopping this, but there isn't much time."

Max nodded sombrely. "I understand. And I'll do what I can." Cassandra nodded approvingly, helping Max to her feet, and leading her on towards the forward camp.


	2. On Your Head...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still setting the scene, but I promise it's about to get better.  
> Comments and kudos much appreciated :)

The trip to the forward camp was not as easy as it sounded. As they walked through the town she was informed was Haven, hundreds of accusing eyes bore into the back and sides of her head. “They have decided your guilt. They need it.” Cassandra murmured, almost sympathetically. Max was almost relieved when they reached the outskirts of the town and exited the gates. “There will be a trial. I can promise no more.” Cassandra stated bluntly as she removed the rope binding Max’s wrists together. _Great. Thanks._ Max sighed internally. There would be no easy way out of this.

They left the city and Max began to grasp the full enormity of the conclave explosion. Remains of people, and demons, littered the ground, and defensive structures surrounded the keep. Everyone kept their eyes averted from the tear in the sky, however as it was the source of most conversation, it was never far from thought. The sky pulsed several times in the short trip, and each time, Max was driven to her knees where she cried out in pain. Each time, Cassandra would help her up, never saying much but the wary, distrustful look in her eyes was beginning to be replaced by doubt.

As the two of them reached the bridge that spanned the shallow valley between Haven and the forward camp, a sudden pulse of green lightning struck the cobblestones beneath their feet. The two of them fell, tumbling alongside the jagged lumps of stone, hitting the frozen river beneath them with a rough thump. A second jet of green light manifested into demons in front of them, and Max, thinking quickly, grabbed a sword and shield off a supply cart that had been dumped nearby. A second demon manifested almost directly in front of her, and with practiced ease, she dispatched it with a few heavy blows. She leaned forward to catch her breath and upon rising, noticed Cassandra in front of her, sword raised and threatening expression upon her face. “Drop your weapon. Now!” She ordered, waving the great-sword in front of Max’s face threateningly.

“Alright,” replied Max with a scowl, moving to put her sword on the ground.

“Wait.” Cassandra sighed, sheathing her sword. “I cannot protect you, and I cannot expect you to be defenceless.” She began to walk away, the discussion clearly over. Max shrugged and picked up a sword belt, wrapping it around her waist and fastening it as she followed. They encountered more demons along the way, dispatching them as quickly as before, though not without injury. Cassandra acquired a wound to her forearm, whereas Max earned a nasty gash down the side of her forehead. “Are you alright?” Cassandra panted. Max nodded, signalling for her to move on.

They reached yet another bridge, and after dispatching more demons, Max had the pleasure of meeting some of Cassandra’s associates. But not until after a tall, slim and completely bald man had yelled hysterically at her and thrust her glowing hand towards the sky. This sent green light shooting out of her palm, and for reasons that she would never be able to explain, closed the rift.

Max looked at the strange man with a mixture of suspicion and amazement-although mostly suspicion. “What did you do?” she asked him, cradling her left hand in her right.

He smiled at her, although smirked may be a better word, and replied, “ _I_ did nothing. The credit is yours.” She ogled at him, and he launched into an explanation of how exactly her mark healed the sky, not seeming to notice (or perhaps, care) that his audience was not entirely understanding. Max stood in stunned silence until his next words caught her off guard. “It seems you are the key to our salvation.” Max was prepared to launch into a full on explanation about how she was most definitely the least qualified individual to be in charge of something of this magnitude, but was saved by a voice from behind her.

“Good to know. Here I thought we’d be ass deep in demons forever.” A short, stocky man with auburn hair and features that looked as though they had been chiselled out of rock strolled toward her. “Varric Tethras.” He introduced himself. Once again, Max was taken aback. This day was full of surprises. He launched himself into a somewhat boastful introduction, and Max’s mind wandered. It was funny how as soon as she stopped moving, her exhaustion caught up with her. She was vaguely aware of Cassandra and Varric arguing to her left, when she was startled by the tall man.

“My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions.” He smiled, touching his chest deprecatingly. “I am pleased to see you still live.”

Max smiled somewhat wanly. “My name is Maxyn. And, yeah, me too.” There was a short bark of laughter from her right.

“He means, I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.” Varric told her. Max was somewhat taken aback.

“Well… Thanks.” She said. Solas chuckled.

“You are most welcome, Maxyn.” Max groaned slightly and rolled her eyes.

“Please, call me Max. No-one but my mother calls me Maxyn.” The others chuckled slightly, and Solas smiled.

“Well, Max, thank me when we manage to close the breach without killing you in the process.” This brought the sombre tone back to the conversation, and Solas launched into an explanation of the magic involved, leaving Max’s mind to wander again. She had nothing to contribute to this discussion, as her knowledge of magic was rudimentary at best. They set off, Solas and Cassandra continuing their discussion, Varric following along and kicking at loose bits of cobblestone. Max simply drifted along behind them, absorbed in her own troubling thoughts.

The rest of the journey to the forward camp was relatively uneventful. Demons manifested in their path several times, however with the addition of the others to the party, they were dealt with quickly and with little fuss. As they reached the gate protecting the forward camp, green light flashed and Max’s heart sank. _Another one? Damn…_ She dove into the fray, slashing and jabbing, and eventually, the demons were dead and the rift was sealed. She noted with pride that she had required no assistance this time, she had closed the breach herself. _Maybe I can help,_ she thought. As they opened the gates however, the sound of raised voices reached her ears and she groaned. People were not her forte. She could kill things, she could ride horses. But when it came to saying the right thing at the right time, she would sooner be able to scratch her back with her toes.

“Ah,” a snide voice registered in her mind. “Here they come.” The posture of those around her tightened and the air turned rigid with barely controlled anger. Leliana stepped forward, obviously trying to diffuse the situation.

“You made it. Chancellor Roderick, this is-”

“I know who she is. As Grand Chancellor of the Chantry…” Max closed her eyes, the sound of his voice fading away. She was too tired for this.

“Order me?” She heard Cassandra say incredulously. “You are a glorified clerk.  A bureaucrat!” _You get him, Cass._ She thought to herself, eyes still closed.

 _It’s all just tit-for-tat with people. This is why I don’t have any friends._ “Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.” Max mumbled angrily. This only served to infuriate Roderick, however he soon realised the futility of his arguing.

“Call a retreat Seeker. Our position here is hopeless.” He rubbed his hands over his eyes, massaging his temples as he sighed bitterly. Cassandra and Leliana swapped ideas, weighing up the benefits of going through the mountains compared to travelling to the Temple of Sacred Ashes directly.

 _The mountain path sounds risky, they don’t know what’s up there. If it were me, I would go directly to the temple. We have managed so far._ It was at this point that the breach flared, calling attention to Max’s mark once again.

“How do you think we should proceed?” Cassandra asked her. Max stared at her dumbly for a few moments, never having expected to be asked her opinion.

“You’re asking me?” She managed. Cassandra just raised an eyebrow, as if she were reconsidering this decision and Max ploughed on ahead. “I say we charge. I probably won’t survive long enough for your trial, so whatever happens, happens now.” Cassandra nodded approvingly. Everyone began moving, and Max just stepped back using her hands to attempt to massage away the headache she had since she woke up. How had that been less than six hours ago? The enormity of everything began to crash down upon her and her hands began to shake. She shook her head and clenched her fists. _No. Edin was in that temple and I will find out who is responsible._ She held her head up high, ignoring the glare of Roderick as he watched her walk away.

“On your head be the consequences, Seeker.” He murmured to Cassandra as she passed. _Well, on that note…_ Max thought. _Let’s go kick some demon ass._


	3. Distractions Are Deadly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Cullen and he is beautiful. As usual.  
> Comments and kudos much appreciated :)

They eventually reached the ruins of the temple, and the smell alone was almost enough to make Max gag. Bodies were strewn all over the debris littered ground, and the carnage surrounding her, even this far from the epicenter of the blast, was terrifying. They came across a scuffle, the ringing sound of sword against armour and the cries of the indignant and wounded alike almost familiar to Max now. She paused for a moment, noting the fade rift hanging above their heads and stopping to take stock of friend and foe. She acknowledged that whilst the soldiers were outnumbered before their arrival, the tide of the battle had now turned. She noted the mildly skilled technique of the foot soldiers in contrast to the mighty blows of Cassandra and the other warriors. Her clinical appraisal of the battle before her skipped a beat and her heart threatened to escape through her mouth. In the midst of the battle was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. His golden hair flowed as he moved and his sword caught the light as he delivered his powerful blows, felling the demons that stood before him in only one or two strokes. His movements were graceful, his lithe body moving with the terrible power and grace of a superbly trained warrior. She watched as a demon approached him from behind and raised its misshapen body to strike, and time stood still. Just as she was about to leap to his defense, he turned and ran the monster threw, as smoothly as if he were sliding a stick into water.

Max’s brain suddenly regained its ability to function, realizing that each moment she delayed could mean another’s death and it was as if time had returned to normal speed from slow motion. _Distractions are deadly, Max, never forget that._  She sprang into action, not wanting to be caught staring by the beautiful man now covertly staring at her from across the field. She jumped from the raised outcrop she was standing on and felled two demons with one swing as she landed in a crouch. She stood up, prepared to continue, however she discovered that all demons in the immediate vicinity had been slain. She sheathed her sword (somewhat regretfully) and brushed down the borrowed armour she wore. She walked towards the others, waiting to hear what the plan was, when she noticed the blonde man approaching the group from the opposite direction.

Mentally, she checked herself over. _Clothes on, no tears in inappropriate places. Hair out of face, neutral expression… Neutral, not foolish! Where should I put my hands? Hips is too aggressive, being my back? No, that’s too pompous…_ She uttered a small groan, noticing too late that the rest of the group was staring at her. “Are you alright?” The blonde man asked, concern on his face. Mentally, she kicked herself.

“I’m… fine.” She muttered lowly, ducking her head and sweeping her hair out of her face. He looked slightly puzzled, but turned to Cassandra.

“Lady Cassandra. You managed to close the rift? Well done.” The blonde man congratulated the Seeker.

“Do not congratulate me, Commander. This is the prisoner’s doing.” They both turned to Max, who had raised her eyes long enough to catch the blonde man’s surprised expression. She ducked her head again and blushed.

“I hope they’re right about you. We’ve lost a lot of good people getting you here.” Max raised her eyes, a little put out. Did he think she was just here for shits and giggles?

“I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try my best.” She replied.

“That’s all we can ask.” The Commander turned to Cassandra, explaining the best possible route to the temple, and once again, Max faded into the background.

 _Maker he is gorgeous._ Max thought. _His voice…_ “Maker watch over you-for all of our sakes.” Max looked up again just as he turned, rushing to help a wounded comrade. Her heart swelled a little at this beautiful, kind hearted man before she remembered where they were and what they were doing.

She turned and followed the others onto the flat expanse of rocky ground. “The Temple of Sacred Ashes,” stated Solas. Varric grunted.

“What’s left of it.” Max stared at the breach hanging over their head, shades of green mixing and swirling until she started to feel sick.

“That is where you walked out of the fade…” Cassandra explained, but Max wasn’t really listening. Panic was starting to rise in her chest, clamping down on her vocal cords and making it hard to breathe. She couldn’t fix that. She could fix a broken arm, a broken wheel, a broken plate… But she couldn’t fix this. Max set out at a fast jog, averting her eyes from the mangled corpses that surrounded her. The faster it was over, the faster everyone knew that she would disappoint them… The better. She rounded the corner, skidding to a halt as she took in the rift located in the middle of what was a room, and the breach directly above it. “Are you ready to end this?” Cassandra asked. Max stared at her for a few seconds.

“I assume you have a plan to get me up there?” She gestured at the breach.

“No, this breach is the first, and it is the key. Seal this, and seal the breach.” Max nodded, resigned to her fate. _Between death and disappointing people when this doesn’t work… I would probably choose death. Something tells me that if I fail, Cassandra will probably take care of that for me._

Max wound her way down to the rift, hearing Varric questioning the presence of red lyrium and Solas explaining it, even as she focused on the pounding of her heart. They reached the rift, and watched as a re-enactment of the events in the temple unfolded. Max however, had drawn into herself, watching with a kind of detached interest as Divine Justinia called out to her. She endured Cassandra’s questions and barely heard Solas’ explanation. Following Solas’ instructions, she used the mark to open the rift, and as before, the demons followed. This lot were much bigger and much more terrifying, but Max fought without fear, her sword strokes clean and precise. As she struck and killed the last demon, she locked eyes with Cassandra, who nodded decisively. Max stuck her hand up in the air, pouring every last inch of willpower that she possessed into closing the breach. Her head began to pound and her knees threatened to give way, fear flooding through her once again and she looked towards Solas and Cassandra for help, but they were simply standing, awestruck. Her nose began to drip blood and the color faded from her vision, the last thing her conscious mind registered were the cheers that erupted as the green light exploded around her.


	4. I Thought She'd Be Taller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max has no idea what is going on, and she really needs to learn how to pay attention when others are talking. And how to deal with people. And how to be a functioning human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how long this took! I have been crazy busy with all of the holidays lately... It's funny how no one wants to do anything with you until you're busy. :/ Ah well, hope you enjoy! Comments and kudos much appreciated :)

The ground shifted rhythmically below her, each jolt in the earth seeming to keep time with the pounding in her head. She opened her eyes for a second, and looked straight into a pair of golden ones, suspended in the air in front of her. “Thank the maker…” A deep voice rumbled, but before she could ask what for, the world slipped away again.

_A figure stood in front of her, warm light radiating outward like a beacon of hope, arm outstretched and beckoning Max to run faster. Each step she took seemed to take her further away from the figure, and she tripped and fell. She scrambled forward a few paces on her hands and knees, but the faster she moved, the faster the figure slipped away. The glowing figure receded into the distance, and Max slumped on the ground and began to weep._

_The world shifted slightly, and Max raised her head again. The figure returned towards her, however this time the figure was no longer glowing, and took the form of someone she knew. “Come here,” a deep voice rumbled. It was a voice she would give anything to hear for the rest of her life, though why he should be here puzzled her. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sounds came out and her limbs suddenly felt very heavy. The atmosphere became angry, the sky turning dark and angry, the beautiful face turning into a snarl. “You have failed us. All those people died for you… For what? You are nothing.” He took two giant steps and grasped Max roughly by the arm, dragging her up so that they were face to face. “Nothing.” He hissed, throwing her arm away from him as if disgusted. Instead of hitting solid ground, Max fell and continued to fall, screaming as she descended into the dark, roiling mass below her._

Max woke with a strangled yell, the thin woollen blanket placed over her by some kind hearted soul now tangled in her arms and legs. She tore the blanket off her legs and put them over the edge of the bed, breathing out a heavy sigh as she did so. She put her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands, intent on having a very long, intense think about the events of the past 24 hours, when the sound of the door opening startled her out of her reverie. Upon noticing that she was awake, the young elf who had entered dropped the box of supplies she was carrying and seemed almost ready to flee the room. “Oh! I didn’t know you were awake, I-I swear!” The elf hung her head in shame, barely able to contain the shaking of her hands.

“It’s fine, honestly,” Max reassured her. “Why are you frightened?” The elf’s knees gave out, and Max sprang up from the bed, prepared to catch her. However, she prostrated herself on the ground before Max, asking for her forgiveness and blessing. Max stood there for a few moments, regarding the elf on the floor with complete astonishment. Noticing Max’s silence, the elf launched into an explanation of the events that happened during Max’s unconsciousness. She could barely keep up with the girl’s explanation, nerves and excitement getting the better of her. As she finished, Max asked “So what happens now?”

“I’m certain Lady Cassandra would want to know you’ve awakened. She said at once.” And then she scurried out the door. Max sighed and stood up, stretching and enjoying the satisfying pops and cracks her back made as her cramped muscles stretched out. _Edin hates it when I do that._ Max thought, and flinched when this caused a strong surge of fresh grief to wash over her. She shook the tears out of her eyes and made her way to the mirror across the room, intending to wash the dirt and grime off her face and at least attempt to make herself presentable. Her long dark burgundy hair had been taken out of its usual braids and had been washed and brushed, something Max was grateful she didn’t have to do. Her hair hung at about waist height, and washing, brushing and drying it was something she hated doing, but no matter how many times people told her to cut it, she just couldn’t do it. With a sigh, she re-braided her hair into the intricate but tightly held up do she always wore and huffed when the shorter pieces around her face almost immediately sprang out of place. The large cut above her eyebrow was clean and healing well, so she splashed water on her lightly freckled, paler than normal face and looked herself straight in the eye. Two light green orbs looked back at her, shinier than usual and definitely more worldly, but still the same. That at least, comforted her somewhat. She was still the same, no matter what these people said. She straightened her clothes, gave herself one last glance in the mirror, and set off to find Cassandra, stealing herself for what was to come.

The walk from the small house she had been placed in to the command centre of Haven was very different from the first time she had walked these streets. Rather than the jeers, insults and angry faces of the crowd, this time there were hushed whispers, admiration washing over her like a wave.

“That’s her-she closed the breach!” “They say she slew a hundred demons single handedly before she closed it…” “I thought she’d be taller…”

Max huffed a little at that last one and started to pick up the pace, sick of being stared at like she was being paraded for their entertainment. She entered the Chantry of Haven and was hit by the smell of melted candle wax and burning incense. She shuddered slightly, bile rising up at the back of her throat as her childhood memories hit her, but she bit back her nausea and walked on with her head held high.

She approached the room where Cassandra was holding council, and was met with the infuriated voice of Chancellor Roderick through the thick wooden doors. She stopped outside for a few moments and listened to the conversation inside. _I’m just preparing myself_ … _No harm in that._

 _“_ Have you gone completely mad?! She should be taken-” Max chose this moment to barge into the room, acting as though she didn’t hear the Chancellor’s words.

“Chain her! I want her prepared for travel to the capital for trial,” Roderick announced as Max walked in, gesturing widely at her. Cassandra gave him a scathing look.

“Disregard that, and leave us.” She told the soldiers, who glanced nervously between the two of them before nodding shakily and rushing out of the room. Max stood to the side, one hand massaging her temples as she watched the two of them have it out. _Maker, I hate politics… It always gives me such a headache._ She spied Leliana lean over towards Josephine and glance back towards Max as her lips moved. "I thought she would be taller." Josephine smiled slightly and stood upright again, and Max shook her head in annoyance.  _Not them too._ Roderick took a step closer to Cassandra, puffing his chest, and Max decided she should probably intervene.

“I did everything I could to close the Breach. It almost killed me,” she interrupted, not without some bitterness.

“Yet you live… What a convenient result, insofar as you are concerned.” Roderick sneered, upper lip curling with derision. _Fuck you, you stupid bastard…._ Max gritted her teeth, jaw muscles clenching and unclenching in time with her fists as she fought to keep herself from wiping that disgusting expression of his face.

“Have a care, Chancellor. The Breach is not the only threat we face.” Cassandra also seemed to be barely restraining herself, so Leliana stepped in.

“Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave, someone Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others-or have allies that yet live.” She finished, staring meaningfully at the Chancellor.

“ _I_ am a suspect?” He asked incredulously.

“You. And many others,” Leliana snarled, her anger beginning to seep through her calm façade.

“But not the prisoner.”

“I heard the voices in the temple. The Divine called to her for help.” Cassandra was getting impatient, and Max didn’t blame her. Stuck in her thoughts, Max almost missed Cassandra’s assertion that she was the Maker’s solution to the conflict. Her mind drew a blank, and she resorted to what had been drilled into her as a child.

“Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide.” Cassandra nodded approvingly and Max sighed inwardly. _Crisis averted, I really should try and pay attention to what they’re saying…_

“We lost everything… Then out of nowhere, you came.” Max raised an eyebrow, confused at this sudden display of emotion, but Cassandra had already turned away. Leliana and Roderick began to bicker again, but Cassandra returned, slamming a large, heavily bound book on the table. The front cover was decorated with an eye in the center of a sun, embossed in silver. Max didn’t recognise the symbol, but it was clear that it held great meaning for the others in the room. “You know what this is, Chancellor. A writ from the Divine, granting us the authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn.” The others in the room all seemed to swell slightly with the enormity of that statement, but Max just looked in confusion from one face to the next.

“We must act now, with you at our side.” Cassandra told Max, not seeming to notice or care about Max’s confusion.

“If you’re truly trying to restore order…” Leliana gave her a small smile.

“That is the plan.” Cassandra extended her hand with a solemn expression.

“Help us fix this before its too late.” Max hesitated for a second, looking at Cassandra’s hand as if it might bite. Max took Cassandra’s hand, shaking it firmly, all the while wondering what the hell she had gotten herself into. 


	5. Hold On To That Sense of Humour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided that I'm going to change parts of the dialogue to suit Max's personality, and also some of the other characters' dialogue as well. I am considering changing some minor events of the story to suit my timeline, so if I make any changes that you think are too big or don't suit the story let me know :) I don't think I'm going to go through all of the individual parts of the quests but just generally cover all the minor quests and go into detail for the really big milestones. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos appreciated :) xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS. I am so sorry about the lack of an update, I have been crazy busy... Also, was thinking about doing the next chapter from Cullen's POV? I feel like we don't see enough of that. Let me know what you think :)

The days following the rebirth of the Inquisition were busy. So busy that Max couldn’t even find time to daydream about the colour of the Commander’s eyes, or the way his hair waved in the wind, or the way he rubbed the back of his neck when he was stressed or anxious, or the way he looked when he lead the sparring exercises with the soldiers…. Well, maybe she did have time.

At the end of the third day, Cassandra walked Max to the Chantry, telling her that there was to be a meeting of the advisors in what had come to be known as the ‘War Room’. There was an awkward silence on the way there, the kind that Max dreaded. For something to do, she examined her Marked hand closely, kind of liking the way it shined green if she tilted it a certain way. “Does it bother you?” Cassandra asked her, frowning slightly.

“Well, it didn’t close the breach, so I’m slightly pissed about that…. But it’s kind of pretty.” Max shrugged. “I want the Breach gone and I want this gone. Until then it’s just an inconvenience.” Cassandra nodded.

“Solas believes that a second attempt will close the Breach-provided the Mark has more power. The same amount of power that caused the Breach. That amount of power is not easy to come by.” Max snorted.

“Because what harm could possibly come from powering up something we barely understand?” Cassandra chuckled lowly.

“Hold on to that sense of humour.” She strode through the doors, jerking her head to signal Max to follow.

Max entered the room and immediately felt all eyes on her. The most important of which were a golden-amber, a colour Max resolutely refused to look at.

“May I present Commander Cullen? Leader of the Inquisition’s forces.”

“I know.” Max blurted out, immediately blushing as she realised what she had said. “I mean, I’ve seen him, training… As in training the soldiers, so I knew that he was the Commander because he looked commanding and… no I mean-”

“The forces such as they are.” Cullen interrupted with a small smile, the scar on his upper lip quirking as he spoke. “We lost many soldiers in the valley and I fear many more before this is through.” Max lost herself in the mesmerising way his lips moved when he spoke, unconsciously licking her lips as she watched, and almost missing Josephine’s introduction.

“-Montilyet, our Ambassador and Chief Diplomat.” Josephine gave a small smile and a wave.

“And of course, you know Sister Leliana.” Leliana nodded her head solemnly.

“My position here requires a degree of-”

“Leliana is our Spymaster.” Cassandra stated.

“Yes. Tactfully put, Cassandra.” Leliana shook her head, but a rueful smile pulled at her lips.

“It’s lovely to meet you all… You all have such impressive titles. It sort of makes me wonder why you need me.” Max chuckled nervously.

“Well, that Mark on your hand is slightly necessary for closing the Breach.” Cullen said jokingly, a warm smile on his face.

“Ah, yes. That.” Max blushed fiery red, digging her nails into her palm as she was overcome with embarrassment. _Hot tip. Don’t talk. Ever._

“Which means that we need to approach the Rebel Mages for help.” Leliana asserted.

“And I still disagree. The Templars could serve just as well.” Cullen disagreed.

“We need power Commander. Enough…”

Max tuned out again. They needed the Mark, not her. She busied herself with inspecting the room, looking at the detail in the tapestries on the wall, the map in front of her, the way the Commander’s eyes shone in the candlelight, the way his hands rested on the pommel of his sword, the way he shifted from foot to foot when he was agitated…

“And you specifically.” Josephine pointed her quill at you. _Shit, what?_

“They what?” You asked dumbly, still not entirely sure what they were talking about.

“They denounced you. Some are calling you, the younger child of a Free Marches noble, the Herald of Andraste and that frightens the Chantry. They have declared it blasphemy, and us heretics for harbouring you.”

“Chancellor Roderick’s doing no doubt.” Cassandra murmured bitterly, and Max couldn’t help but agree with her.

They continued their argument, and Max drifted again. _You really have to get better at paying attention. Maker, that was close. These people think you’re special and eventually you’re going to have to make an important decision and you won’t have been listening…_

“Quite the title, isn’t it? How do you feel about that?” _Shit. There’s the other reason to pay attention._ Two golden eyes stared at Max, and she felt herself beginning to melt in the warmth of that gaze.

“Um… I don’t think I’ve been chosen… Don’t get me wrong, I’ll help now that this has happened but I don’t feel like this is destiny. And to be honest, if I was chosen, they could not have picked someone more unprepared for this than me.”

Cullen chuckled. “You have help. You won’t be alone in this.” Max shot him a grateful look and he smiled back, jumbling Max’s feelings even more.

“Speaking of help,” interjected Leliana. “There is a Chantry cleric not far from here named Mother Giselle. She has requested to speak to you, and her help could be invaluable.”

“I’ll see what she has to say.” Max promised.

“Look for other opportunities to expand the Inquisition’s reach while you are there. We need agents, and you are better suited than anyone to recruit them.” Cullen told her, smiling at her encouragingly. Max’s stomach dropped. Out of all the tasks they could possibly have given her, they told her to talk to people. Convince them. Shit.

“In the meantime, let’s think of other options. I won’t leave this all to the Herald.”

Max shot her a grateful look. _Thank you, Cassandra. Ah well, let’s get to it then._

Max had just finished packing her bags to head out on her first scouting trip, and was heading to the outskirts of the camp to double check locations on her map with Cullen. She found him watching some troops train just outside Haven’s walls. He stood with his back toward her, arms crossed and one hand running over the stubble on his chin. She took a moment to take in the sight of him, and then another one to compose herself, before stepping forward and tapping him on the shoulder. “Cullen? Do you have a moment?”

“Of course.” He turned to her with a smile. “What do you need?” Max took in a shaky breath losing her train of thought. Those eyes…

“I just wanted to double check some locations with you, if that’s ok?” She asked, slightly too quickly. He raised his eyebrows slightly.

“Of course. What did you want to double check?” Max stepped closer, turning so that they could both look at their map, and accidentally, but inevitably, causing Cullen to lean over her shoulder. He took a step closer to point to something as they discussed the map contents, putting them so close together that they were almost touching. Max could feel his warm breath on her neck, and could feel his armour brushing against her back. Her heart began to pound and blood began to rush in her ears, almost blocking out Cullen’s voice. “Is there anything else you’re unsure of?” Cullen asked as Max stepped away and turned to face him again.

“Well, I was wondering if you could tell me about Templars? And the Circle?” Max asked, slightly hesitantly. Cullen obliged, and began to go into detail about the Chantry, Templars and Mages, and for once in her life, Max found herself paying attention. Granted, she did get distracted by his hair, and his eyes, and his gestures and his smell… But she listened.

“And be a part of something… We could do-” Cullen let out a sigh. “Forgive me. I doubt you came here for a lecture.” He smiled.

“No, but if you’ve got one, I’m willing to stick around for it.” Max smiled, sticking her tongue out between her teeth slightly. Cullen chuckled, a deep sound that made Max feel proud, like she had accomplished something great. She resolved to hear that sound again, and she wanted to be the one that caused it.

“Another time perhaps.” Max smiled back, meeting his eyes and causing him to lose his train of thought.

“I-uh…. Still have a lot of work to do.” _Shit, he wants to get out of here. You’re boring him…. Ugh, I don’t know why you thought that meant something._

“Oh, yeah, I totally understand. Um, I’ll see you when I get back, I guess…” Max trailed off, turning and waving as she walked off. _Wow. Could that have been more awkward?_ Max shook her head. She wasted no time in saddling her horse and heading out, not noticing the Commander watching her leave from the battlements.


	6. Intense Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen sees Max off and gets some gloomy news... On the plus side though, he has a *very* interesting dream... ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am definitely adding some backstory to the Trevalyans later, because I feel like the Inquisitor needs more of a back story...  
> Anyway, I am so sorry for such a long wait, I don't really have an excuse, I am just lazy :/ Ah well.  
> I really enjoyed writing from Cullen's POV so I think I will do more of that in the future!  
> As usual, comments and kudos appreciated, and thank you for reading! xx  
> PS, you can clearly see what my goals for the Cullen/Female Trevalyan relationship are in this chapter... Fairly hard to miss.

Cullen mentally kicked himself. _Well, you certainly have a way with words…_ He stood on the battlements and watches as she rode out on her white palfrey, flanked by Cassandra, Varric and Solas. He felt an aching in his chest as he watched her leave, though he told himself it was just him wishing that he could go with them.

“Commander!” A scout interrupted his reverie, bringing him back to reality with a jolt. “This needs your immediate attention.” He sighed.

“What is it?” He asked the young scout, the stern expression on his face obviously unnerving the young man.

“Well, ser, it’s…. Uh, it’s in regards to-to the Herald’s… Well, the Herald’s connection to the, uh, the Conclave meeting. Leliana felt you should know about this.” Cullen narrowed his eyes in confusion, and the scout, obviously taking this as a bad sign, shoved the papers into his hands and fled as fast as humanly possible, dropping a quick salute as he did so. Cullen raised his eyes at the hasty departure, but shrugged his shoulders and turned his eyes to the paper. He recognised Leliana’s seal immediately, and upon breaking it, noticed how her normally pristine lettering was cramped and spindly, as if she were rushed.

_Cullen,_

_The healers and mages who were in charge of the bodies from the Conclave explosion have returned their report, and the findings are… troubling. We have always had questions about what the Herald was doing at the Conclave, and her reluctance to answer these questions has not made trusting her easy. We may have found the connection we sought, but I must admit, I almost wish we hadn’t._

_It turns out, Maxyn is the daughter of one of the major noble families of the Free Marches-the Trevalyans. Alden Trevalyan had no sons, only two daughters, and due to his failing health, he had sent his eldest daughter to represent their family at the Conclave. A messenger was sent to the Trevalyans to enquire as to Max’s presence there, and it turns out that she was the Commander of her older sister Edin Trevalyan’s personal guard._

_Edin perished in the explosion, and while we are very sorry for Max’s loss, we don’t yet know if she is aware of her sister’s death. Leliana is of the opinion that we should give her some time to adjust to the position she presently finds herself in before we break the news to her, whereas I believe that she should be made aware as soon as she returns, so that she may cope with it in whatever way she sees fit. (I also don’t believe this is a message that can be delivered in writing.)_

_I would appreciate your opinion on the matter, and would also like you to send a small number of guards to accompany Edin’s body to the Free Marches. The least we can do is ensure that her body returns home safely._

_Regards,_

_Leliana._

Cullen folded the page again and crossed his arms, tapping the parchment against his chin. _Poor Max… After everything she has already had to deal with, now this? If I were her, I don’t know how much more I could take._

Cullen signalled over a passing Captain, and told him to organise the honour guard for Edin’s return home. He then proceeded to the War Room. Upon entering, he noticed Leliana hovering over the War Table, arms crossed and one hand massaging her temple. He cleared his throat and she glanced up. “Commander.” She greeted him brusquely. He nodded in response. She leaned against the table and let out a sigh. “This has put us in a very difficult situation. Leliana believes that telling Max of her sister could overload her and cause her to snap, and while I see her point, having been in a similar situation before, I could think of nothing worse than being kept in the dark. I do know, however, that we cannot let this come from just anyone. I believe that it should be you to break the news to her, whenever that may be.” Cullen blinked in surprise.

“You think I should be the one to do it?” He asked.

“Yes. You have more compassion than anyone I have ever known, perhaps more than you let on. You and her seem to have a working relationship; you understand each other, both coming from warrior backgrounds, and you can support her through her grief far better than any of us could.” Cullen began to protest, but Leliana shook her head. “You know it should be you. You can do it however and whenever you see fit, though I ask you to be sensitive. Max is having a very difficult time right now, and you need to be supportive.” Cullen slumped in defeat and nodded slowly. “Thank you, Cullen. I appreciate it. And Max will too. Now I have to meet the Captain at the Blacksmith; they have been working on new designs and she would like my opinion.” Cullen nodded at her as she left the room. He sat down on the bench at the side of the room, and put his head in his hands. _You, out of all people… Maker, why would they pick you?_

_Cullen’s back ached as he ploughed the shovel into the earth, again and again, the hole growing larger as the smell of damp soil became stronger. He paused to wipe the sweat off his brow and stuck the shovel deep into the ground, letting go of it to get the water skin he had set off to the side. He drank deeply, the cool water soothing the scratch of thirst at the back of his throat._

_He heard squeals behind him, and as he turned around, he saw the gleam of sunlight of the blonde heads of two small children. He smiled to himself, dropping the empty water skin to the ground near the shovel, and set off in the direction of the laughter._

_As he got closer, the sounds of children’s singing and laughter became clearer, and he could distinguish the words of the song._

_“Grass and flowers, leaves and trees, birds in bushes, honey bees. Say good morning, when they spy, happy children, passing by!”_

_As the children finished their song, the older girl would pounce on the younger girl, tickling her as they rolled around in the grass._

_Cullen smiled to himself, and crouched down, hiding himself behind the rose vines, and then the garden fence as he crept ever closer to the playing girls. He snuck up behind them and scooped both of them into his arms in one swift movement, tickling them with his rough stubble._

_“What are my two beautiful girls up to?” He chuckled, setting them down._

_“Just playing, Daddy.” The younger girl said sweetly, looking up at him with her bright, pale green eyes._

_“Mummy isn’t feeling well, she let us come outside to play, as long as we could still see you.” The oldest said responsible, her amber eyes glowing with sincerity._

_“Well, that’s no good. Perhaps I’d better go and check on her. You two come inside and play, alright?” Cullen asked, smiling slightly when they both huffed in annoyance. “I promise I won’t be long.”_

_All three of them traipsed inside, the girls going off to play, while Cullen walked down to the bedroom he shared with his wife._

_He opened the door silently, poking his head through the gap. In the rocking chair by the window, his wife dozed silently in the sunlight, subtle rays of light highlighting her heavily pregnant belly, the way her deep red hair fell about her shoulders. He knew that if she opened her eyes now, two brilliantly pale green eyes would stare back at him, and his heart swelled with love for this brilliant and courageous woman._

_He stepped over to where his wife dozed, and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear as he murmured, “Max, are you feeling alright?”_

_“Cullen…” she murmured back as she opened her eyes. “Cullen!” She said, more loudly and firmly as she stood and started to shake his shoulders._

“Cullen!” Max said loudly, shaking his shoulders from where he was draped across his desk, sleeping. He sat bolt upright, shaking his head slightly, before registering Max standing before him, still dressed in travelling gear. _What the… That was kind of an intense dream about someone you barely know… Get it together, man!_

“Max, you’re back! When did you return? He asked, standing and saluting her. She raised her eyebrows at him, but made no other comment about his dishevelled state.

“We just got in about fifteen minutes ago. Leliana said that you might have something to report to me, so I figured I would come straight here.”

_Dammit Leliana… I thought you said time and place of my choosing…_

“Do you have something to tell me, Cullen? Good news I hope?” Max said, trying to meet his eyes. He sighed, and took her hand gently. 

“Not exactly… Let’s take a walk.”


	7. Cracks in The Surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a really short one, and I am so sorry, I just needed to get this part out and I felt it needed its own chapter. I don't feel like its really that good, so I might come back and edit it, but this is what it is for now. I promise the next chapter will be longer and also happier, because this one is really quite bleak... I really didn't mean for it to go this way but, eh I just let it go where it will :)  
> As usual comments and kudos very much appreciated :) Thank you so much for reading! xx

Max’s heart sank. _You’re a fool for thinking it would be anything but bad news… When was the last time you heard something good?_ “Alright, Cullen. Lead the way.” Cullen let go of her hand and they walked shoulder to shoulder in companionable silence, out the gates of Haven and into the woods surrounding the city. As they wandered through the trees, Cullen often tried to make small talk, obviously trying to avoid the issue. Max replied as sociably as she could, but the bone deep weariness from the travelling and her anxiety about what Cullen could possibly have to tell her wore down her patience.

After about fifteen minutes of walking, they reached a clearing that backed onto a rocky outcropping. The outcropping had a small waterfall with a pool beneath it, and almost looked as if it could be manmade, it was so perfectly formed. The pool was surrounded by large stones dotted here and there, and the shady boughs of the willows gave the light near the pool a light green tinge. Awed by the beauty of the clearing, Max stopped and raised her face, breathing in the crisp air. She heard a rustle and opened her eyes to see that Cullen had seated himself on one of the rocks near the pool, watching her and obviously waiting for her to ready herself.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t had a break since all this started,” Max apologised with a rueful expression. “I just needed to take in this peace. Maybe that can keep me going for a little while longer.” She sat down on the rock next to Cullen and let out a deep sigh. “So, what’s this news?” Cullen dropped his head and let out a sigh of his own, running his hand over his neck and the back of his head.

“Max, you have to know, we had no idea who you were when you got here.” Cullen started. “We didn’t know why you were at the Conclave, we didn’t know what had happened, and we didn’t know why it had happened to you. Naturally, there was suspicion as to your intentions.” He glanced over at Max to make sure that she was still listening, and when he saw her attentive, albeit somewhat confused, expression he continued. “Cassandra did a bit of digging, attempting to find out your connection to the Conclave, and she found it. Although, most of us wish she hadn’t. It was necessary, it just wasn’t the way we wanted to find out.”

Max looked confused. “I’m a Trevalyan… I would have told you that if I thought it was pertinent. Are my family enemies of the Inquisition or something? Although to be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if that were true, but you have to understand, I rarely see my family, the only-” Cullen raised a hand to stop her.

“Max, it’s not that. You aren’t in any trouble. It’s just that-… You know that all of the people at the Conclave died, bar you, yes? Well… Cassandra made it a priority to identify all of the people that died at the Conclave, both so that she could send them all home to their families for a proper burial, and so that we could make sure that the person responsible for this didn’t die there, and we have been chasing ghosts. Cassandra had experts working on identifying these people, and… Well, one of them was your sister. Edin.”

Max felt her heart beginning to beat wildly and her breath seemed to catch in her lungs. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and the clearing became blurry. _I knew it… I knew it, and I thought I would be relieved to have answers, but… Oh, Maker._ Max shook her head, clearing her throat and attempting to put on a calm façade. She could break down later, in the privacy of her own quarters, not in front of Cullen. “Th-thank you for telling m-me this, Cullen. I have been wondering, and I think I have always known this moment was coming. I do appreciate you being the one to tell me this, I-I know it can’t have been easy.” Cullen looked at Max with pity in his eyes, and usually, she would be offended and state that she didn’t need pity. But with the sincerity that shone in those bright, amber eyes, she couldn’t do it. She held his gaze for a second, and all of a sudden, all of her unshed tears came to the surface and spilled down her face. She let out a choked sob, and Cullen enfolded her in his arms, one gauntleted hand rubbing soothing circles on her back, the other cupping the back of her head.

Max soon lost all sense of time and place as she sobbed herself hoarse into Cullen’s fur mantle, all of her worries fading away in the grief that she felt, her despair and the feeling of Cullen’s heart beat under her cheek, his hand on her back, his lips on her hair. She cried until she could cry no more. “We should be getting back.” Max murmured, her eyes now dry and her throat sore. She looked at the sky through the trees, noticing the orange tinge and the presence of a few stars in the sky. “We may have missed the evening meal.” Cullen took her hand in both of his.

“I think they can cope without you for one meal. But you’re right, its not safe to be outside the walls after dark.” They set off, Max’s hand still linked with Cullen’s. As they reached the gates, Max unlinked her hand with his, a wan and apologetic smile on her face.

“We don’t want people to start talking about something that isn’t there.” Cullen opened his mouth to speak, but Max beat him to it, gazing off into the distance. “I have some thinking to do, I’m going to retire early tonight. Make my excuses to the others?” Cullen nodded and held his hand up in a wave as he watched her walk off in the direction of her cabin, her shoulders slumped and her arms wrapped around her waist, as if to hold herself together and protect herself from a world in which she now felt totally and irrevocably alone.


End file.
